


Lonely Hearts

by tauriel777



Category: John Proctor - Fandom, Richard Armitage - Fandom, The Crucible - Miller
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-18
Updated: 2018-04-14
Packaged: 2019-01-21 05:06:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 19,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12450225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tauriel777/pseuds/tauriel777
Summary: John Proctor finds someone that truly understands and loves him, like he deserves to be loved.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This doesn't follow Miller's play at all and it not historical accurate either. Basically just my excuse to write some John Proctor smut, because I think he would be an amazing and passionate lover.
> 
> As always, I own nothing, it is just my imagination running wild.
> 
> And another note- if you are rereading it, no you are not going crazy....I did change one of the children's names........

It is another hot day outside the town of Salem. John is already walking out to the field, he needs to pull weeds and see what might be ready to harvest in the garden. He walks briskly, trying to push the sadness and loneliness he is feeling deep in his heart aside. 

It hurts! Her rejection yet again pierces him. Besides the physical need he feels burning deep inside of him, he is also hurt that she doesn't want or desire him in any way and he starts to wonder if she ever did.

Yes, she has been ill, but seems to be better lately, especially since Lucy has come to help in the Proctor house. 

A slight smile plays over his face. He has come to be rather fond of her, the younger woman from the neighbor farm, who comes every day to help his wife with house duties and the children. She is a hard worker and amazingly, his wife seems to like her too. He shutters, thinking about how many helpers she has shown to the door the past two years, at least 5.....he has lost count. 

He sighs. He loves his wife or at least he thinks he does and knows he is bound to her for the rest of their lives and that pains him somewhat. They have no marriage anymore, she has become cold and distant and seems to take every opportunity to criticize him. 

And the rejection in bed has become almost unbearable. He aches to feel the warmth and love from a woman. He restrained himself after his wife recovered from the hard birth of their last child and her illness, but he still desires to have marital relations with her. He has tried since she started feeling better, but is met with a cold shoulder, a turned back and even her physically pushing his hands away and shying away from his advances.

He knows it is wrong, but he has resolved to pleasuring himself at times, in the barn or out by the pond, far away from any prying eyes. He feels guilty about it, but it takes the edge off, he is less antsy and not as likely to show his displeasure with the current situation.

It's roasting. 

John arrives in the corn field and starts going down the rows, using his tool to dislodge any plants that shouldn't be there. He works hard for a while, stopping ever so often to wipe his brow. He glances up at the sun, wishing they would get a nice downpour soon. His eyes scan over the field and he looks pleased, at least they will have a good harvest this year, which will help them survive the winter. He can trade his crops for other things they need and maybe even for half a salted pig.

 

I'm busy in the Proctor household, kneading bread on the big table, a task I actually don't mind at all. I like the feel of the dough and how it comes together in my hands, getting more workable as I knead it over and over. 

I look up as Mrs. Proctor comes down the stairs, she looks tired.

"Mrs. Prcotor".

"Morning Lucy......".

"Morning.....everything ok? You look tired".

She winces "yeah.....well, sort of of.....one of the boys have fallen ill and I don't feel too well either".

I stop kneading "I'm sorry....what can I do to help you?".

"Oh nothing....", pause, then she looks at me "perhaps..if you don't mind.......bring John some lunch when the bread is done.....I should go lay down with Jacob and try to get him to sleep".

I nod "sure......I don't mind....bread, salted pork and some water?".

She smiles "you paid attention....thank you".

"Of course....." and I look at her "want me to take the other kids to my sister's, they can play with the other children?".

Mrs. Porter looks surprised "you would do that?".

"Yeah, why wouldn't I? The kids all get along, it keeps them busy and out of your hair and my sister's......I'll get them again before supper".

She looks relieved "that's very kind of you" and she hesitates for a moment, before speaking softly, putting a hand on my arm "I'm so sorry about your husband......you would have been a wonderful mother".

"Thank you......that's very thoughtful...". I let my thoughts wander to my beloved, who was tragically kill in farming accident almost a year ago. We had been so happy, living on his farm outside a town a bit from here. We were only married for 8 month. His family had been horrible after he passed, fighting and bickering over the land, so I finally just left, went back to live with my sister and her family. 

The Proctor's had offered me a job shortly after I arrived or rather Mr. Proctor had inquired with my brother in law, who is his good friend, they help each other out in the fields. I had heard rumors about Mrs. Proctor and how difficult and demanding she could be, but I needed a job, so I had accepted.

We actually have gotten along from the start, but I am well aware of the problems in the household, Everything is fine as long as Mr. and Mrs. Proctor are not in the same room, but when they are, you can feel the iciness from her towards her husband.

I don't know what Mrs. Proctor's problem is, I know she was ill, but Mr. Proctor seems like everything you could want in a man and a husband. He works hard, is concerned for his family's well being and tries to please his wife. I have to turn away whenever she criticizes him, I can't stand the look of hurt and pain on his face.

John Proctor is handsome, strong and has the most beautiful blue eyes. Sadly, they seem haunted most of the time. I only see him smile and light up when he plays with his boys in the evening before their bedtime. He will wrestle with them on the floor or give pony rides to the youngest. He appears genuinely happy in those moments, until Mrs. Proctor sternly declares it is bedtime. 

That is when I usually take my leave. Mr. Proctor offers to walk me home, but I decline, it is just across two fields and it is still light out.

We have a cordial relationship, Mr. Proctor and I, exchanging pleasantries, but don't talk much. Despite that, I feel a deep sense of connection to him and I have become very fond of him. He is a good man and it makes me sad his wife doesn't see that.

He has seemed more distant lately, not really meeting my eyes like he use to and he doesn't come close either, which I find a bit odd.

I finish kneading the bread, putting in the bowl to rise a bit more. I wipe my hands and then call for the two older children, Samuel and Joseph to come. They beam when I tell them we are going to play at the Smith's and eagerly follow me out the door. We walk across the garden and over to the corn field, along the edge, where there is a path. We get to the other side and come upon a sweaty Mr. Proctor, who just finished another row.

He looks up and his entire face lights up when the two boys run towards him, each squealing louder than the other "father, father". He kneels down and opens his arms, catching them both in a big hug.

They eagerly talk his ear off, telling him where we are heading. He stands back up and comes closer to me, his forehead wrinkled in concern "Jacob is ill? And so is Elizabeth?".

I nod "it seems so....she said she wasn't feeling good and Jacob didn't even come down.....so I figured they should rest".

"That very kind of you...thank you for taking them" and his eyes meet mine.

I'm trying not to get lost in his blue orbs "you're welcome.....I'll be back in a little bit and will bring you lunch when the bread is done".

"Very well.....thank you" and he reaches out his hand to touch my arm in a kind gesture, but stops right before he does.

I nod hastily and we continue our journey, my thoughts swirling in my head. I can't deny the feelings I have for him anymore, but I also know he is a married man and off limits.

The children are delighted to get to play with my nieces and nephews, my sister has four children. She is busy in her kitchen, making bread and looking over the big basket of vegetables her husband just brought her. We only chat for a a few minutes, before I bid her farewell and hurry back to the Proctor's.

Mr. Proctor is working in the field still and I give him a slight wave as I look over at him. He lifts his one hand in a greeting and then wipes his forehead with the back, his rolled up shirt bulging at the sleeve from he bicep.

I check on Mrs. Proctor and Jacob when I get in the house, but they are both fast asleep. I go down stairs, poke the fire a bit and then get the bread ready to bake. I find the salted pork and slice some nice chunks off the meaty leg, wrapping it in a cloth. I find a clay mug and put it in a basket along with the pork. I sit down for a minute, allowing myself to rest for a moment. The bread gets done and as soon as it has cooled enough, I break half a loaf off, sticking it next to the mug. I grab the pitcher, checking it is full and then make my way back out the door.

Walking to the barn, John is already over there and I stop in my tracks. His shirt if off and he is leaned over the water troth, splashing water over his glistening upper body and head. He is gorgeous, his broad shoulders, strong arms and wide chest on full display. I can't help but stare at the manly hair covering his chest and swallow when I follow the trail under his navel that disappear into his trousers. Oh my.

Lowering my eyes, I clear my throat to announce my presence and look up as he whips around, quickly pulling his shirt back on.

I swear there is a slight blush on his cheeks, but he is trying to hide it. He gives me a tiny smile, walking closer and reaching for the basket "thank you, Miss Lucy....I'm famished".

"It is really hot out here to today, Mr. Proctor".

He looks at me with his blue eyes, saying quietly, almost pleadingly "please just call me John when no one is around....I don't like the formality".

"Sorry....John...".

"It's fine....I didn't mean to offend" and he gets that hurt look in his eyes, the one he always gets when Mrs. Proctor is criticizing him. He looks at the basket for a second and then back at me "how is Elizabeth and Jacob?".

"They were still resting when I got back to the house".

"Good" and he looks concerned "I hope they get better soon".

"Me too, John.....", I hesitate for a moment, then look at him "well, have a nice lunch...I better get back to work.....the vegetables need picking in the garden again........I'll retrieve the basket when I come milk the cow this afternoon" and I turn to leave.

 "Wait, Lucy....", his eyes meet mine and he looks slightly nervous as he gestures "care to stay and share lunch with me?".

Trying not to get lost in his beautiful blue eyes, I swallow hard, trying to ignore the feelings welling up inside of me "I..I don't know.....not sure there is a enough for two...and the vegetables....".

He waves his hand "nonsense and I'll help you pick the garden after we eat.......".

A slight smile play on my lips "you said you were famished".

Lifting an eyebrow, his mouth twitches "you sent half a loaf of bread".

I start to laugh and so does he, looking even more handsome and I see a slight twinkle in his eyes. I lift my hands in defeat "ok, you win".

"Good" and he takes the basket, walking over to the big tree, motioning for me to sit down. I do and he takes a seat in the soft grass too, the basket between us. He breaks off some bread and hands it to me and carefully unwraps the salted pork, laying it out on the cloth. He reaches for the pitcher and the mug, putting his big hand on the water vessel. I can help but notice  his hands, rough from working the land and the long, strong fingers. My thoughts wander and I wonder what they would feel like.......never mind. A blush creeps up on my face.

"Lucy?", he sounds concerned.

I snap out of it and look at him "hmmm?".

"You alright? You seemed lost there for a minute".

"Yeah, I'm fine..." and I reach for the bread, breaking a piece off and start to eat it. He pours some water, offering me the mug, but I shake my head "no...you keep it, I'll have a drink when I go back to the house".

He growls "take it, please......I'll drink from the pitcher.....you said yourself, it is hot today".

Reaching for it, our fingers touch ever so briefly and he pulls his hand away, like he has gotten burned, mumbling "so...sorry".

I give him a small smile "it's ok".

He hands me a piece of the salted pork and sees I'm about to protest again and he shakes his head "just eat it...".

We eat, just sitting together in silence for a few minutes, but it doesn't feel awkward. His presence is nice.

John hungrily eats several chunks of bread and pork, washing it down with water. A few drops trickle down his beard and I have to retrain myself from not reaching over to wipe them away. He is very handsome.

The last piece of pork is gone. I touch his arm ever so slightly to get his attention "want more? I can run quick and get you a few more pieces, if you would like".

He shakes his head, not looking at me, but at his arm, where I am touching him. His warm skin from his strong forearm underneath my fingers, his arm hair tickling my pads. It lasts for a few more seconds, then his croaks "no thanks...I had enough".

I find his behavior a bit odd "you ok?" and I remove my fingers from him.

"Yeah...", it's barely audible and he still wont look at me, and if I am not mistaken, he is breathing a little heavier.

Taking a deep breath, I feel brave "can I ask you something?".

He nods.

"Are you not pleased with me or did I do something to offend you?".

Lifting his head, our eyes meet, his look hurt "oh heavens no, Lucy....." and he wrinkles his forehead "why would you think that?".

I reach for his arm again, touching it lightly "because of your behavior just now.....not wanting to look at me......you haven't been as talkative to me as of late.....I'm sorry if I have".

He cuts me off, gesturing "you haven't".

"Then what is bothering you....John?" and I move my fingers soothingly over his arm.

Pulling away, he bursts out, almost roaring "don't....please!".

I scramble to my feet, startled and a bit frightened by his anger "I'm sorry, John......I didn't mean to....." and I turn "I better go".

He gets up too and then looks at me with frustration, his heart sinking when he sees my fear. His head drops and he gently reaches for my hand "please don't leave.....not now" and he leads me into the empty barn. He sits down on a bale of hay, his shoulders dropping and he buries his head in his hands, sounding totally defeating "I'm sorry....I ...I ...just can't....you didn't do anything and I am not angry with you in the slightest".

"Then what is it?". I step close to him, placing a hand on his shoulder, saying softly "please tell me...." and I hesitate before I add "I'm not like her...".

He jumps up again, pacing and then letting out a bark of a laugh "I know, Lucy......heavens......I know" and he walks over to me, talking my hand in his, his fingers trembling. He steps really close, I can feel the heat from his body. My fingers wrap around his and I breathe in his scent. His other hand is brought up and ever so softly caresses my cheek and I look up into his face, his eyes studying me, an expression of tenderness reflecting back at me. "I know you are not like her....you are kind, loving and warm towards others and you are also off limits for me......".

I step even closer to him, I can feel his breath and I reach up to touch his bearded chin "says who?".

He swallows hard, saying breathless "the church, the bible" and he doesn't get anything else out before our lips crash together. 

John feels wonderful and warm. Our initial contact is for a second, his eyes go wide and searches mine. He dives back in when he sees my permission, this time the kiss is more demanding and soon our mouths open up to each other. I wrap my tongue around his, he tastes nice and manly. His strong hand goes to the back of my neck, holding my head in place as we kiss with passion.

My hands are on his face, his beard under my fingers and I move one to his ear, wrapping it around the base of his skull. He groans and pulls me closer, flush against his body. I press myself eagerly against him and can feel his excitement, which only spurs on mine. A strong feeling of arousal settles in the pit of my stomach and I clench with need and want. I know what it feels like to be loved by a man and I crave it.

We finally have to break for air, we are both panting wildly and he looks at me, his eyes are a shade darker and the pupils are blown wide. I see the questions on his face. I try to convey my feelings with my eyes and I move my hand up to undo the wrap that holds my hair in place. It falls to the ground and I shake my head a bit, letting my dark locks fall around my face. He reaches up to cup my chin, his other hand is still around my waist, holding me close. I press my face against his hand and turn so I can open my mouth to suck on his thumb.

John lets out a whimper and then crashes his lips against mine again, grunting out "God forgive me for this". 

Our hands roam wildly over each other, eager to touch and feel. I yank on his shirt, managing to pull it over his head and his strong, muscular and manly torso is revealed to me. I run my fingers over his broad chest as we continue to exchange heated kisses. I love the feel of his chest hair under my fingers and he groans and grinds against me when I find a peaked nipple.

He runs a hand through my hair and then moves it down to softly touch my breast through my thin summer dress. I moan and press against his hand, needing his touch and my hand roam over his strong back and down to cup his rear, pulling him closer. He kisses down my neck, rutting a few times against me, biting back a deep rumble when the fabric of his pants rub over the tip of his arousal.

Our lust and need spiral higher and higher and soon he pulls away a little, our chests heaving and he takes my hand, leading me in the smaller room in the barn where the loose hay is scattered on the floor. He reaches for an empty flour sack, putting in on the floor, he sits down and pulls me with him and soon I am in his lap, our mouths fused together again and I squirm around until I am straddling him. 

We both cry out as my core presses closer to him and I feel his hardness, which just spurs on our need for each other. We devour each other with our mouths and I enjoy the feel of his strong back muscles as I claw at him, desperate to be close to him.

I feel his trembling fingers shimmer over my rib cage and he inhales sharply as he kneads my breasts again and then finally nuzzles my neck. I grab his short hair and pleads "John....please".

He looks up at me, his conflicting emotion displayed in those blue eyes. I kiss him again, hard and then move back on his thighs, reaching down to fumble with the bindings of his trousers. He is panting and watches almost helplessly as I get them undone and I reach in to wrap my hand around his pulsing flesh. He arches and bites his lip, holding back a moan. He is so hard and when I get to the very tip, I feel the slick drops of precum on my fingers. 

Returning my kiss with passion, his hands find their way to the hem of my dress and attempts to push it up, but there are too much fabric and I am sitting awkwardly. I know what he wants and I let go of him for a moment, bracing myself on his shoulder, quickly standing up and pulling the offending garment over my head. He stares as I stand before him in my thin undergarments. His cock twitches when he takes me in.

Holding out his hand, he quickly guides me down on the flower sack and he is over me in no time, like a predator hunting down his prey. He covers me with his body and growls when we make contact. His trembling hand pushes my top up, exposing my plump breasts to him. He covers one orb with his hand, the roughness of his skin feeling wonderful against my nipple. My legs opens up to him and we both moan into each others mouths when our hips meet, his hardness pressing against my core.

I arch my back, grinding desperately into his erection, his hand on my breast and pull his hair and claw at his naked back "John....please.....".

He kisses me with lust, desperation and need, his dark eyes seeking out mine "you sure? Ohhh god you are lovely....I'll be cursed for this"

"Yesh, I'm sure, John......please.....let me feel you, all of you.....".

Pressing another kiss to my lips, his tongue darting into my mouth, I feel him twitch against my sensitive flesh and cry out in pleasure "ohhhhh".

John stops, his eyes wide, thinking he has hurt me "Lu...Lucy....I'm sorry...I".

I practically yank him even closer, wrapping my legs around him, mumbling into his mouth "no....I'm fine, John....I just really think I will go mad if you don't get on with it".

He thrusts his hips hard against me, a roar bursting from him "like this?".

Withering under him, I reach down and slide my hands down into his trousers, cupping his naked rear "yeah, but I want you inside of me....I need to feel you....please, John".

Nodding, his chest heaving, he leans back on his legs as I loosen mine, so he can push his trousers down. His erection springs free and I feel myself clench when I see how hard and aroused he is. The head is glistening with slick moisture as it peaks out from the foreskin and he sighs in relief when it slaps against his stomach.

I waste no time, getting rid of my top and reaching down to remove my undergarments, spreading my legs. I can see his eyes widening as he looks down to where my thighs meet and he notices how wet I am for him. His cock twitches and a string of fluid drips from the slit. He slides his rough hands up my thighs, gently pushing a finger between my lips, he groans when he gets coated with wetness and then brings his own glistening finger up to lick off my arousal.

We lock eyes and I reach for him "come here".

He positions himself over me and I guide him to my entrance. His resolve snaps and he enters me in one fluid motions while we exchange a searing kiss. I moan when I taste myself on his lips and from the wonderful mixture of pleasure and slight pain as he slides home.

I grip his shoulder "ohhh god, John".

He buries his head in my neck, growling through gritted teeth "ughh.....ohhhh god you are tight".

We kiss again and he can't hold back anymore. He starts to thrust in a deep, steady rhythm, grunting and growling with every movement, sending jolts of pleasure throughout my entire body. I arch into him, wrapping my legs tightly around him and holding onto dear life with my hands on his strong shoulders.

"Ohhhhh John.......ohhhh yeah, harder.....ohhhh god......more......ohhhhhh".

I feel the tension building and then he reaches down to grab my rear, lifting my hip a little, going faster. He slides even deeper and hits something deep inside of me, which makes me see starts. I let out a scream "JOHN!" and I unravel in his arms as I contract violently around him, 

He has never felt a woman come apart like that and he looses control completely, his thighs starting to shake and then he comes harder than he ever has before, pulsing over and over deep inside of me. "ARGHHHHHHHH..........OHHHHHHHHHHH.......OHHHHHHHHHHgod.........ohhhhhhhh". He collapses against me, his hot breath on my neck.

We cling to each other, sweat covering our bodies and our breathing labored as we try to come down from this incredible high.

I tenderly caress his back and just listen to his labored breathing as it slowly evens out and settles back to normal. He is still buried deep inside of me. I touch his sweaty hair at the back of his neck and he hums in contentment for a moment. I whisper in his ear "holy wow....that was something else".

He chuckles and then finally lifts his head, looking at me in awe and with sparkling eyes. He touches my chin with tenderness, croaking "it might send me to hell, but......".

We exchange a kiss, nothing much needs to be said at the moment and then he very carefully slips from me, laying down next to me and tucking me close, letting out a sigh.

I'm stunned by what we just shared, it was more than a lustful moment of weakness. there was a deep sense of connection and I am not quite sure what to do with that and feel really overwhelmed by it.

John senses my inner turmoil, rolling to his side so he can really look at me and he touches my face "what's bothering you? Already having regrets?" and he looks extraordinarily sad.

Reaching for his face, I lean up to kiss him, shaking my head "no...no.......never......it was just" and I look away.

"What?" and he makes me look at him, the tenderness in his face evident "you can tell me anything, Lucy........we just committed horrible sins together......I".

I cut him off "that's a matter of opinion, John......what we just did...." and I pause, before looking straight at him "it felt like a lot more than just us giving into some unholy lust......I have never felt such a connection to another human being, ever".

Silence.

He pulls me into his arms and kisses me deeply, seeking out my eyes "I know.....".

We just lay in each other arms for a while, not another word spoken and it doesn't feel odd, just like two people that really, truly understand each other in a way where no words are needed.

I shift around, looking at him and he kisses my nose "what?".

Pause, but then a deep breath before I ask him "sorry, none of my business, but do you not have relations with your wife?".

I expect he might lash out in anger at such a personal and inappropriate question, but he just looks really sad and lost, shaking his head, saying quietly "no....none since the youngest was born and she has been sick......I've tried" and his voice tapers off.

"I'm sorry, John" and I kiss him, touching his face, his eyes closing in immense pleasure in feeling affection from another human being. "I know she is a good woman, but I will never understand why she resents you so much.....it's really hard for me to listen to and watch".

He just nods and pulls me tighter in his arms, saying quietly "thank you".

I sit up, so I can really look at him, resting my hand on his strong chest "I don't know what this is", gesturing between us "but just know that I don't want anything from you or expect anything........I know you have obligations to your family".

John sits up to, hugging me and then kissing me tenderly again "I don't know either, Lucy...but together we can figure it out.......somehow".

We hold each other for a moment longer, before he gets to his feet, holding out his hand to help me up. We slowly get dressed and he picks the straw out of my hair before I wrap it back up. We embrace again and share a tender kiss .

I stop on the way out, looking back at the flour sack on the hay and then at John. His eyes are full of life and love and I give him a small smile, which he returns.

We walk out without another word, making our way to the vegetable garden to pick what is ready to harvest. We don't talk much and after, I carry them all in the house as he returns to the field.

I check on Mrs. Proctor and Jacob, but they are both still asleep. I cut up some of the things from the garden, throwing them in a pot over the fire and adding some water and salted pork. I bake more bread and then tidy up around the house before walking over the fields to get the other Proctor children for supper.

We come back in the house and Mrs. Proctor is standing over by the pot. She looks up and smiles "it smells wonderful, Lucy....thank you......and thank you for getting the children out of my hair".

"You're welcome.....you are feeling better I take it? Jacob?".

" Yes, but he still doesn't feel well, but I think with a good nights rest he should be fine".

"Good".

She looks around, annoyed "wonder where Mr. Proctor is......he is never here when it is time for supper.....".

"I don't know.......saw him out in the corn fields hours ago".

She huffs, starting to ladle stew into bowls for the two other kids "I wish he would learn to be more punctual",

Taking a deep breath, I just give her an overbearing smile, reaching for the milk bucket "I'm going to milk the cow and then I am done for the day".

"Very well........thank you, Lucy".

I nod and practically run out the door, headed for the barn.

The cow is already waiting, eager to get relieved of her heavy udder. I sit down on the tiny stool and quickly milk her before slapping her rear to go back outside.

"You're late milking her today".

I jump, not having heard John come around the corner.

Stammering, I gesture "I...I...".

He chuckles, coming all the way over to me, pulling me close and kissing me softly "shhh..I didn't mean it that way".

Letting out a laugh in relief, I hit his shoulder "don't do that".

He breathes in my scent "sorry".

I rest my head against his chest as he caresses my back, kissing my neck. I kiss him back "it's ok.....but you are needed at home, supper is served".

Nodding, he sighs and rolls his eyes "I figured....and I know I am late".

"Yep! Already heard her complain about that".

"That will never change.....".

I grab the milk bucket "I'll walk with you and then go home". 

He reaches for the bucket "I'll just bring it back.......go home and rest". I'm about to protest, but he grabs my face in a searing kiss "go....Lucy.........sweet dreams".

We break and I look at him "goodnight, John......", we part ways, giving each other longing glances as we walk away from each other.

  


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to a Tumblr friend who discussed this with me in detail, it was very helpful!

I walk into the Proctor home the next day, finding Mrs. Proctor sitting at the table, looking pale and unwell. Rushing over there, I touch her shoulder "oh my....Mrs. Proctor...everything alright?".

She looks at me, her eyes sunken and she shakes her head "no....I...I don't know....I feel really ill, but got up to make John breakfast and feed the kids.....they are outside, John took them to the garden to look for vegetables ready for picking".

I reach out to feel her forehead and she is burning up "oh, I think you have a fever.....let me help you back in bed and I'll go tell M. Proctor to fetch the doctor in town".

Nodding, she leans against the heavy table to stand up and I gently hold her arm and lead her back upstairs. I have never been in their bedchamber, but I know the way and help her in there. There is a bed, a simple dresser and a table by one side of the bed. I can't help but look, knowing this is where John sleeps every night and I wonder when was the last time he was intimate with his wife here. Judging from yesterday and what he said, it has been a long time.

Mrs. Proctor walks to the one side and I support her while moving the covers so she can sit down. She looks at me when she is seated, reaching out to me "thank you MIss Lucy...I really feel unwell".

"Would you like me to help you into your night dress? It might be a bit more comfortable?".

She nods and points and I find it over the one chair in the corner. I help her undress, being a bit shocked with how thin she really is, but doing my best not to stare. Her breasts are flat and sagging and she shivers before we get the gown on her and I assist her laying down, putting a pillow under her head. She looks gravely ill.

"You ok?".

"Yes, thank you.....I was feeling dizzy too".

"I'll go talk to Mr. Proctor and bring you back some water and a cloth for your forehead"

She closes her eyes and just nods.

I hurry downstairs and out the door, walking briskly around the house to the vegetable garden. The kids see me and run over happily, one trying to be louder than the other "Miss Lucy....look I got a big squash, I got a cucumber!". The youngest, Jacob, walks over and tugs at my skirt, holding up his hand, opening it as I lower my head to see what he has, revealing a big, fat, wiggly earth worm.

"ARGHHHHH" and I jump back, which makes the boys giggle.

A gruff voice cuts through behind me "what?" and John comes into view as he rushes over, looking at me and reaching out "Miss Lucy....what's the matter?".

I giggle and points to Jacob "I'm fine......he just wanted to show me his earth worm...it just surprised me, that's all". 

Jacob looks worried at his father, afraid he will be angry with him, but I see the corner of John's mouth twitch and he just lifts a finger "not everyone likes those, my boy".

"Sorry, father" and he turns to me "sorry, Miss Lucy".

I ruffle his hair and kneel down "it's quite alright......but maybe you better go put your friend back....he does a fine job working the soil so the vegetables can grow".

"Okay" and he runs off with his two brothers in tow.

Turning, I see how John just has this goofy grin on his face and I can't help but reach out to lightly touch his naked arm, his shirt sleeve rolled up to try to keep cool in this heat "hey".

He snaps out of it and looks at me, his eyes warm "sorry....was lost there for a moment.....why are you out here?". 

Pulling on his arm, he follows me closer to the house, so the boys wont hear and I look him in the eyes "it's Eli...I mean Mrs. Proctor......she is very ill, I had to help her back to bed, I think she has a fever.......you should probably go fetch the doctor in town, if you can.....I'll rush the boys over to my sister's and then hurry back to sit with Mrs. Proctor".

John's brow furrow in concern "oh...I thought she looked unwell this morning and told her to rest, but she insisted she get me breakfast" and he gets an anguished look "she said she knew she wasn't fulfilling her duties as a good wife and".

I cut him off "John....just go....no need to worry about that now.......she seems really unwell".

He looks down at where my hand is still on his arm and he reaches up with his other hand, lightly touching my fingers. I turn them over and our fingers lace together, between us, out of sight of the boys. He looks at me and wet his lips.

Nodding, I just squeeze his fingers, saying softly "I know.....".

The look in his eyes says he understands what I am trying to say to him and he reluctantly lets go of my fingers. He quickly brushes them over my cheek, stroking it in a brief motion, before turning and calling the boys. They come running, looking eagerly at him as he speaks "I have some business to tend to and your mother needs rest, so please be good and follow Miss Lucy over to the Smith's house until someone comes to get you".

They let out happy yells, waving to their father as they start to follow me, Jacob clutching his tiny hand in mine. That gesture is not lost on John and he watches us for a moment, before he turns, hurrying over to the pasture, whistling for the his horse. The bay mare whinnies and comes running. He pets her and leads her to the barn, getting her saddled in a hurry and is soon on his way into town.

I drop the children off and then hurry back to the Proctor house, getting a bucket of water, a cloth and a mug, carrying it all upstairs. Mrs. Proctor has her eyes closed, but she does open them when I come in, croaking "Miss Lucy".

Setting the bucket down, I sit on the side of the bed, "how are you feeling?".

"No well....water, please?". I help her lean up in bed, grabbing John's pillow to put behind her head too, before filling the mug and bringing it to her lips. She drinks several big gulps , grasping my hand, looking at me, her eyes hollow "thank you".

"You are welcome......the children are looked after and Mr. Procter went to get the doctor". I dip the cloth in the water, wringing it out and bringing it up to her forehead. She closes her eyes and sighs.

We sit in silence for a while until she falls asleep again. I quietly cover her back up before going downstairs and quickly knead the bread dough together, setting it over by the window to rise. I dread the fact we have to bake it in the heat, but we need it for nourishment.

I sweep the floor in the main room and tidy up a bit, picking up scattered toys, it is a lot easier when the boys are not around making a mess as soon as you turn around.

The front door opens and John comes in with the doctor from town in tow. They both nod and I point upstairs "Mrs. Proctor fell asleep again, I gave her some water".

"Thank you Miss Lucy" and he gives me a kind look.

Making a motion to leave, I grab the milk bucket "I'll be back to put in the bread....need to go milk the cow" and I walk out of there. It is already really hot, even though it is not even noon yet. I wipe my head and then arrive in the barn, the cow patiently waiting. Grabbing the stool, I sit down and milk her, before she walks back out to pasture, stopping briefly for a drink in the small stream. 

Feeling the heat as the sun continues to rise, I leave the bucket in the shady barn and walk to the stream, kneeling down and scoop some water up in my hands, taking a few drinks. It feels refreshing and cold. I sigh in relief as I place my cold hands on my face, relishing in the coolness.

"Lucy". I jump, didn't even hear him walk up. I turn and John is standing there, looking concerned. He comes closer "sorry.....I need to stop scaring you".

"Yes you do....." and I give him a small smile, which he returns. I step closer, wiping my hands on my skirt "how is Mrs. Proctor? What did the doctor say?".

"She is fine, tired and dizzy......doctor thinks she is just exhausted, so prescribed bed rest and she should be better".

"Oh good...glad to hear it".

He looks down and then back at me, fiddling with his hands "yeah, me too.....bu...but I am sorry, it might require more work for you".

"I think I can manage.....we will figure it out, John".

Nodding, he swifts the weight from one foot to the other and takes a deep breath "can I talk to you?". 

"Sure......what's on your mind?"

He reaches for my hand, his fingers trembling, tugging on it as he guides me into the barn. He turns around as we enter, pulling me into his arms, just holding me close, caressing my back. "I need to apologize for my behavior yesterday".

I look up at him, our faces close and mine is filled with confusion and hurt "why? Having regrets?".

Hearing the slight hurt, he shakes his head vigorously, gently cupping my face "oh heavens, Lucy...no.....never.....it was amazing". He pauses, wets his lips and his voice even lower "I'd never knew it could be like that....to feel you all wet for me and the way you came undone.....heard that women could....but....." and he trails off. 

Running a hand over his face, feeling his beard under my skin, I look him in the eyes "then what, John?".

"I rutted in you like an animal and never thought about maybe making you with child.....it was inconsidered and rude....I'm sorry...I should've pulled out, spilled on the floor...", his eyes full of pain.

Leaning up, I kiss him, before pulling back, still holding his hand "it's fine....I didn't even think about that either, John.....I think we were caught in the moment". I pull him over to the bales of hay, sitting down and he joins me. I look at him and our hands, still joined and then down at the floor.

He reaches over with his other hand, lifting my chin "what, Lucy.....please talk to me".

Deep breath "well, I actually don't think you will have to worry....not sure I can bear children....as you know, I was married for almost a year, before my husband was killed, never got pregnant" and I blush slightly "and it was not because we didn't have relations".

"I'm sorry...." and he squeezes my hand.

"It's ok...not your fault....any of it".

He locks eyes with me, his are dark and burning with need. I lick my lips and he snaps, pulling me in for a searing kiss, hot, wet and demanding. Our tongues wrap around each other and his one hand holds my head in place and the other finds it's way up to cup my breast through my thin dress. He groans and then pulls away, his chest heaving "I'm sorry....I shouldn't....I don't want to risk it.....it would mean doom for you and me, if you became with child".

I lean in to kiss him again, tracing his chin and then gently suck on his lower lip. I say huskily "well, if you are concerned, there are other things we can do...." and I kiss his neck, hearing him moan when I lick his ear and then drop to my knees, between his legs. He looks down at me and I smile at him, pushing his shirt up, feeling his hard muscles under it and he grunts when I locate a nipple among his chest hair, lightly teasing it with my fingers.

"Lucy".

Sitting up, he pulls me in for another passionate kiss, while tugging at my head wrap, finally getting it undone, my long, dark locks spilling out, I shake my head before his hand is in my hair, bringing our lips back together. I pull on his shirt, finally getting it over his head and I break away, admiring his strong, hairy chest, running my fingers over it and then starting to kiss my way down, over taunt, hard muscles. 

Curling my wet tongue around his nipple, I feel him twitch in his pants below me and I bring my hands up to quickly undo the bindings, tugging at them. He lifts his hips, so I can slide them off his behind, down on his thighs. I watch in fascination as he beautiful manhood rises hard and long between his legs. He is pretty hairy and his erection stands proudly, the head peeking out from the foreskin. 

I lick my lips, our eyes meeting briefly. I reach up to lightly touch his shaft, curling my fingers around him and feeling him pulse. His eyes slip shut for a moment and he leans against the wall, biting back a groan "ughh...please".

His skin is silky soft, but he is so hard and throbbing under my touch. I slide my hand up and down his thick shaft several times, squeezing him a bit and then run my thumb under and swipe over the head. He pushes into my hand, moaning and moving his hips. A woman has never done this to him before, he actually doesn't remember if he wife has ever touched him at all, it was always him guiding himself inside of her.

"Ohhhh" and he grabs my hair a little tighter as I lean up to kiss his stomach and then move a little bit lower, my face coming into close contact with his crotch. He smells musky and manly. His stomach muscles flex under his skin and he dares to open his eyes, feeling himself go even harder when he sees me kneeling between his legs and what I am looking at. I lick my lips and his brain is trying to comprehend my plans. He has heard of women doing this to men, a way to prevent pregnancies, but still provide pleasure, but never in his wildest dreams would he imagine anyone doing it to him. Certainly not his wife. Lights were always out whenever they had relations and he quickly figured the faster he finished the better.

I look up at him, our eyes meeting "may I?".

All he can do is nod, he is holding his breath, watching and then his eyes almost roll back when I move my head, opening my mouth and licking a warm, wet, wide path from the base to the tip, tracing the thick vein on the underside. 

"Oh god" and he forces his eyes open again, watching and feeling as I do it again, a roar bursts from his throat, when I lick the very tip, using my tongue to push his foreskin all the way back, quickly lapping over the sensitive head. Salty drops of fluid hits my tongue and I lick it all up, His hand is tangled in my hair and he is panting heavily. I gently suck the very tip like an ice creme cone, hearing his aroused whimpers as I do so "ughhh....ughh....ohhhh please".

It arouses me so much to hear him so worked up and tasting and smelling him. Wetness pool between my legs. I look up at him and see his nostrils flaring and he throws his head back when I slide my hand over his hairy thigh and then down to cup his testicles, hanging heavy between his legs. I roll each between my fingers, feeling his wrinkly sack. I open my mouth more and swallow as much of him down as I can, licking and sucking him.

"Lucy!! Ohhh god.....ohhhhh.....please......god it feels good.....ughhh".

I bob my head, feeling his grip on my hair grow tighter and I hollow my cheeks. He is big and stretch my mouth wide and I can't quite take all of him in. I pop off to catch my breath and he yanks me up, roughly, to crash his mouth against mine, growling "do you have any idea what this is doing to me?".

I smirk "a little" and we exchange sloppy, wet kisses, our tongues wrapping around each other in the age old dance of passion.

My hand is still massaging his sack and I move my finger, bringing it right under, touching his perineum and I feel him tighten immediately and he pulls his mouth away from me, gasping "ohhhh jesus". I drop back down, swirling my tongue around the tip, feeling him leak even more and then I take him in as deep as I can, starting to suck him fast and hard, hollowing my cheeks and using my free hand to pump in rhythm with my mouth.

John practically sobs above me, trying his hardest not to thrust his hips or yank too hard on my hair "ohhhh god....Lucy....ughhh that feels so good.....please.....ohhhh...I.....ughhh....I can't...I'm gonna....ohh god.....you better...ohhh.." and I feel him grow even harder, his sack tightening. His thighs are shaking and I just close my lips all the way around him and feel him twitch, the first spasm of orgasm hitting him. He comes hard with a loud moan "ohhhhhhh god......ohhh, ohhh, ohhhhhhhh", spurting over and over as I swallow it all down. I continue to suck and lick him, slowly down and easing up a bit, prolonging his pleasure, but also knowing he is so sensitive. He sags against the wall with a sigh "ohhh heavens.....Lucy" and he caresses my hair and moves down to cup my face as I finally release him as he is slowly softening.

I look up at him, his eyes still hazy from post orgasmic bliss and he pulls me up, into his lap and he kisses me deeply, after a slight hesitation. He grunts when he tastes the remnants of his own release on my tongue, but oddly enough finds it arousing. He dives in with more passion, his tongue chasing mine, one arm wrapped my head, holding me in place, the other going to my front to caress my breast through my dress. 

Moaning, I press into his hand, needing and wanting his touch. We finally have to come up for air and he looks at me, his voice low "th...that was...." and he he shakes his head, resting his forehead against mine, lightly caressing my cheek "thank you.....nobody has ever done that to me before.....it was so arousing". He kisses me again and then blushes, saying quietly "your husband was a lucky man....to have such a passionate wife......".

"I'm glad you enjoyed it, John....".

Nipping at my lower lip, he hums in approval, moving his hand up my legs, shimmer it under my skirt, his calloused fingers touching my thigh "will you let me repay the favor?".

Nodding, I bite my lower lip and tangle my hands in his hair as he kisses down my throat, his beard tickling me and I moan when I feel his hand press against my soaked undergarments. 

He grunts "so wet already...." and he eases me down on the bale of hay, dropping to his knees, not caring his trousers are still down his thighs. He gently move me, pushing my skirt up and hooking a finger under my underwear. He looks up at me, eyes pleading "may I?".

I help him remove them as my answer and I spread my legs wider, pulling my skirt all the way up. I'm throbbing and can't help but run my own hand over my glistening folds and I look down at him with lustful eyes "ohh John...please...".

Daring to look, he swallows hard when he sees me, he has never really looked at a woman before, it has always been fumblings in the dark, under covers. He is fascinated by the pink, wet flesh and the dark curls on top of my sex. He feels himself starting to react already and he lets out a low moan when my fingers slides through my lips, dipping into my opening and then up to rub my pearl.

He grabs my hand with force, bringing it up to his lips and then tentatively sticking his tongue out to lick off the stickiness. He hums, finding it utterly arousing and his manhood roars to life again, filling rapidly. He runs a rough hand up my leg and thigh, tenderly moving his fingers over my slit, feeling them just slide through. He pants hard, this is turning him on so much and when he carefully dips a finger inside my vagina, he bites back a groan when he feels me clench around him.

"Ohhh Lucy" and he leans up to kiss me roughly again, while pushing in a little deeper.

I moan into his mouth "ohhh John.....feels so good....deeper.....ohhhh yes, just like that". My cheeks are flushed and my eyes closed as he slowly pumps in and out of me. He adds another finger and watches me breathlessly. 

His voice is rough and deep, his breathing labored "ohhh god, Lucy....you are so lovely".

I'm grabbing at his shoulder and the hay, trying to get some leverage, feeling my entire body starting to tighten like a spring and then he stops. My eyes fly open and I look at him "what? Something wrong, why did you stop?".

Kissing me again, hard and demanding, he shakes his head while chasing my tongue with his, before breaking away, his fingers are still inside of me "no...nothing is the matter" and he drops his eyes, a tinge of pink on his cheeks.

I reach up to cup his chin, his beard tickling my fingers "then what, John?".

"I..I...just want to bring you as much pleasure as you just gave me.....and I am wondering if there is something else I can do?", deep breath and then he looks at me "I...yesterday...right before I finished I felt you come undone too....never experienced that before......can you do that again and can I help you?".

Grinding my hips against his hand, I kiss him slow and sensual again "you are doing it, John....I'm close" and I let out a whimper when his thumb accidentally brushes against my clit "ohhh that's the spot....ughhh".

He is confused "where?".

I reach down to guide his thumb, pushing it against the bundle of nerves again "right here.....that's what feels so good, besides having your fingers or your penis inside of me".

John drops back down, putting his head between my thighs and inhales my aroused scent, which spurs on his own even more. He feels himself twitch  and he carefully pulls his fingers out and then tenderly licks me from opening to clit. I buck up when I feel his warm, velvety tongue against me and cry out when he flattens it over my pearl. I grab his short hair "John....ohh god".

He hums his approval and continues his assault with his mouth, alternating his speed and pressure, lapping up my juices as I moan and beg out my desire. I'm getting close again, his beard adding some extra stimulation. He concentrate on my little knob, licking around it and then touching it gently with the tip of his tongue, which drives me mad.

"Ohhhhh", I throw my head back against the wall and lift my hips even more, almost there and when he inserts a couple of fingers again, sliding them in and out of me and then licks quickly over my clit, I'm gone. I pull hard on his hair and let out a low scream "JOHN!", clamping my thighs around his head, holding him in place as I climax, contracting around his fingers and pulsing against his tongue.

Groaning deeply against my flesh as the last spasms of my orgasm ripples through, he lifts his head when I release my legs and he looks up at me, his eyes blown wide and I reach down to touch his wet beard. He sits back on his legs and reaches down to touch himself, trying to bring himself some relief since he got worked up all over again. He closes his fist around his pulsing flesh, letting out a deep grunt of pleasure.

I'm still recovering from my mind blowing orgasm, but open my eyes when I hear him and grab his shoulder once I realize what he is doing "no...please, John....come here". I scoot down a little on the bale of hay, yanking him up and reaching for him.

He tries to protest "no...it's ok...Lucy..I..", but his hand falls away when I enclose my hand around his erection and he kneels, positioning himself and I guide him to me and we both sigh as he enters me in one fluid motion. My wet, tight heat welcoming him in.

It feels so good and perfect, he is big, but it just feels right. I wrap my legs around him and he grip my hips, starting to thrust deep and hard right away.

Our voices mesh together as we make love "ohhhh......ughhh.....Lucy.....John.....ohhh god.....harder....please.....ohhhhh".

He looks down to see his glistening cock slide in and out of me and then reaches up, putting his thumb right on my clit, drawing tight circles in rhythm his thrusting. He goes deep and it feels so good.

I moan out "ohhhh yes, John....so good......ohhhh,......close" and I climax again and he allows himself to let go when he feels me contract around him. He thrusts deep, coming hard with growl "ooooohhhh yeah...ohhh" and he empties everything he has in long, warm spurts.

We collapse against each other, I hold him close, our chests pounding. John wraps me tightly in his arms, he is still buried deep inside of me. He kisses me tenderly, caressing my face with his hand. He looks at me in awe, speaking softly "that was out of this world.....thank you".

I run my hand over his sweaty back and then to his face, lightly touching it and we kiss again "It was wonderful, John....".

Resting his forehead against mine, he sighs "I guess the real world awaits our return". I loosen my legs around him and he carefully slips from me, watching as his semen drips to the floor. Our eyes meet, his with some regret "I really hope no child will come from this.....I'm sorry" and he mood changes.

"John!" and I sit up, as he still is kneeling. I grab his head with both my hands, locking eyes with him "not another word about it.......as I told you, I doubt I can bear children......my husband and I were like rabbits, so please don't fret about it.....I don't have any regrets, John or I would never have done this with you".

He kisses me with so much love, caressing my chin "oh Lucy....I don't have regret either.....I know it is wrong, but I can't help it.......I need you......I just don't want to shame you in  any way".

Giving me a hand, after another passionate kiss, we both stand up and get ourselves put back together. I pull my undergarments back on and straighten my skirt. John pulls his pants back on and gets his shirt over his head. He reaches for me again, pulling me into his arms and just holding me for a few minutes, stroking my hair and kissing me. He proceeds to pick the straw out of my hair and I wrap it back up.

Kicking the loose hay, he covers any remnants of our coupling and with one final kiss, he departs back out of the barn, to return to the fields. I watch him leave, sighting deeply, I am falling in love with him and I know I shouldn't, he is not mine to have.

I go back to get the milk bucket and carry it back in the house, my body still buzzing from our romp in the barn, but my heart aching a little, for the man that I can't have.

Checking on Mrs. Proctor, she is still resting. I bake the bread and cut some of the vegetables up, prepping them for the frying pan with some salted pork for supper. I go back to get the children a little later and finish dinner.

John finally comes in, our eyes locking for a brief second as we exchange longing looks. He proceeds to strip down to wash in the basin before dinner and I try my hardest not to stare at his beautiful torso. His back is wide and strong.

I serve them dinner and the kids happily chow down on the food, commenting how tasty it is. John eats in silence, but finally looks up at me "this is really good, Miss Lucy....thank you".

"You're welcome......Mrs. Proctor is still resting, but I'll go see if she wants some".

I take a bowl up to her with some water, but she only eats a little, before asking to rest again.

Coming back out of their bed chamber, John is actually in the process of trying to get the boys to bed, but it is a harder task than anticipated. They are use to their mother telling them a story and John struggles a bit with that. I don't want to intrude, so I go back down stairs to clean up from supper and tidy up for the evening.

John comes back down, yawning and looking tired. I look at him "you should retire for the evening.....I'm almost done......I can let myself out".

He comes over, standing really close, I can feel his body heat and he glances upstairs before he pulls me into his arms. He doesn't say anything, but just holds me. I sigh in contentment, his embrace feels safe.

There is movement from upstairs and he quickly lets me go as we turn towards the stairs. Jacob comes trotting down, carrying his blanket and whimpering "I want my mother....I can't sleep...".

John scoops him up "I'm sorry, Jacob, but your mother is ill and needs rest....you need to go to bed".

The child starts to cry and hugs his father tight. John is tired and doesn't quite know what to do.

I step over there, reaching for him "here.....let me.......you go to bed, you have another long work day tomorrow".

He is about to protest, but Jacob reaches his tiny hands for me and I take him, as he cling to me like a monkey. John touches my face briefly "thank you, but come get me if he wont sleep".

Nodding, I push my cheek to his warm palm for a brief second "ok....goodnight, John".

"Night...." and we walk quietly upstairs and I watch him disappear into his bed chamber. I carry Jacob in his room, the two other boys are asleep in their beds. I lay down with Jacob, holding him close, singing quietly to him and he is soon lulled off to sleep. I yawn and fall asleep too, totally unaware that someone watched and listened as I sang to his son, his heart melting a little more. He finally quietly leaves to go back to his own bed, laying down next to his wife, his heart aching for the one he knows he cannot and should not have.


	3. Chapter 3

I stir the next morning, slept like a rock. The light is coming through the window and I sit up, a bit panicked that I overslept, but glancing outside, I can tell it is still quite early. Jacob is fast asleep along with his brothers. I quietly open the door and make it down the stairs, quickly building the fire to bake bread and then decide to rush back to my sister's to change my dress and brush out my hair.

It doesn't take very long, but I am questioned by my sister as I enter, so I sit down and explain that Mrs. Proctor is very ill and Jacob couldn't sleep. She is already kneading bread and stops, looking at me "and Mr. Proctor?".

"He was so tired, Esther.......he works so hard".

She gives me a look and keeps kneading, but then puts her bread aside and sits down next to me, looking me in the eye "do you fancy him, Lucy?".

I sigh, lying is not going to work with her, she knows me too well. I wring my hands and then return her gaze "yeah, I do.....", but I lift my hand when I see she is about to say something else "I know he is a married man and off limits......I know he is obligated to his family".

"Does he return your affection?".

Hesitating, I finally nod "yes".

She looks at me "It is no business of mine, but please be careful.......you know how this area is and if rumors start flying......people here are not as forgiving as back where we grew up".

I nod and then excuse myself, knowing I am needed back at the Proctor's "I appreciate that and I know......he is just......he is a good man and Mrs. Proctor is not very kind to him".

"I've noticed.....don't know what her problem is.....he does seem like a good man and he works hard to provide for them all".

"I better get going.....but please send your children in a bit, I think it is my turn to keep track of them all".

She smiles "you sure? You have extra work now Mrs. Proctor is so ill".

"It will be alright......they can play outside and help me pick the vegetable garden and the boys can go help Mr. Proctor pull some weeds in the corn fields".

"Very well, Lucy.....thank you" and we say goodbye.

I walk briskly back towards the Proctor's, crossing the fields and then over to the barn, milking their cow before sending her out to pasture. I get up from the stool and stand up, reaching for the milk bucket, but then stop in my tracks, getting the feeling I am being watched. Turning, I see John in the doorway, just looking at me and he gives me a small smile when he sees I've noticed him.

"Morning, John".

He walks closer, his eyes alive and he looks around, before pulling me into his arms and giving me a warm kiss "morning, Lucy...you are up early".

Pulling a little away, to look at him, his arms still around me, I reach up to touch his face "I have a busy day and I wanted to run home to change......", I run my hand over his beard "did you sleep well?".

Pressing into my touch, he nods and then lowers his head to kiss me again "aye.....I did......thank you for tending to Jacob.....he is quite the needy one".

"It was fine and he is the youngest.....I think that is quite normal......he is a sweet boy".

The affection is evident in John's face "yes he is.....".

"Takes after his father....".

John shakes his head and pulls me close again "I don't know about that" and looks at me with tenderness, caressing my cheek with his rough hand "ohh, Lucy......I want you to know....what we did yesterday...what you did to me.......it was wonderful".

We kiss again and I nod, but then we quickly pull apart when children's voices carry into the barn "Father? Hello!!!".

He sticks his head out as I gather the milk bucket and Samuel, Joseph and Jacob all come running in, talking over each other "we couldn't find you....father........Miss Lucy....I'm hungry..... Mother is up and looking for you".

John hugs them all and then point to me "Samuel and Joseph, take the milk bucket from Miss Lucy and bring it back to the house, please" and he picks Jacob up "let's go back to say good morning to your mother and see if we can get you fed".

We all make it back to the house and Mrs. Proctor is sitting at the table, attempting to knead the bread. The older boys put the bucket with milk down, Samuel looks at her "father was over in the barn with Miss Lucy". I see Mrs. Proctor tensing up and John jumps in to explain "I woke up and she was gone, I got worried........she stayed here last night to let us all rest, calming Jacob down.....he was upset, but I knew you needed rest". 

She motions to Jacob, still on his father's arm "is that true, child?".

Jacob nods eagerly and then smiles, wiggling down from John and running over to pull on my skirt and grinning up at me "yes, mother......she made me fall asleep.....she sang to me".

Mrs. Proctor gives me a faint smile "thank you, Miss Lucy, that was very kind".

I walk over to take the bowl from her "don't mention it, that is what anyone would have done.........you were not well.......are you better today?".

She sighs "I thought I was, but not sure, feel weak and I have pain in my stomach".

John hands her a glass of water "I'm sorry you are not well....please rest, remember the doctor told you to rest".

"Aye" and she drinks the water. John sits down to reach for her hand, but she pulls it away from him and I see the hurt in his eyes. They sit there in silence, but their boys play around them, while they are lost in their own thoughts and anguish.

I quickly knead the dough and get the bread baking. I boil some water and get some grain cooking, soon serving it with some berries from the garden and the milk. They all eat in silence as I clean up and then Mrs. Proctor excuses herself to go rest.

John sits at the table a bit longer, just watching me work, reluctant to get up, but he finally does when my 4 nieces and nephews come over. He takes the boys out to help pull weeds and I bring my two nieces with me to gather eggs from the chickens.

 

The next week passes in a blur, Mrs. Proctor is improving it seems and hovering around John, asking him to help her or carry out a task. He does as he is asked and we are so busy gathering and harvesting for the winter ahead, as well as the daily things that need to be done, that we don't hardly have any time to think, let alone spend any time together.

We have cast each other longing glances when we felt it was safe and he managed to brush his hand over mine for a brief moment this morning as we passed each other, I heard his sharp intake of breath. I long for him, how he feels and sounds and I crave his warmth and passionate kisses.

It's dark outside now and Mrs. Proctor took the kids to bed and excused herself as well. I sweep the floor and pick up, getting ready to leave for the night. John went back out after eating his supper in a hurry.

Lighting a lantern, I close the door after me and is about to set off through the fields towards my sister's house, when a light flicker catches my eyes over by the barn. I look closer and a slight glow is coming from inside. I feel a bit of panic, fires are rare, but so destructive. I hurry towards the building, but as I get to the door, I stop in my tracks, feeling a shiver run down my spine and the flame of arousal ignite in the pit of my stomach, pooling where my thighs meet, when I hear it:

"Ughhhh.......ohhhh............ohhhhh".

I know that voice and I step inside, walking lightly and a bit afraid of what I will find. Has he found another woman to satisfy his needs? Rounding the corner to the separate room, my eyes widen: he is kneeling in the corner, his trousers pushed down his strong thighs and his hand wrapped around his erect penis. A candle holder is lit by the door. He is stroking himself with vigor, his strong fingers tightening the grip as he slides his cock in and out of his hand, groaning with each pass. The foreskin gets pulled back and forth, creating a delicious friction, slick drops of fluid leaking from the slit and his tip looking dark and so aroused.

Biting my lower lip, I hold back a breath and get so turned on with what I see and hear. He goes a bit faster and then uses his thumb to stimulate the head, which makes him groan deeper. I let out a whimper in response and he whips around, his eyes wide and he scrambles to get to his feet, letting go of his penis, but his trousers makes it impossible and he falls against the wall, a deep blush creeping up on his cheeks.

He stammers "Lu..Lucy..I..I..." and he looks down, turning his head in shame, slumping his shoulders. 

I am by his side in a second, kneeling next to him and reach up to get hold of his chin, turning his head towards me, but he is still avoiding looking at me. I sit up a bit taller and place a wet kiss on his cheek and then move down to his mouth, kissing him harder and then sucking on his lower lip. I make him look at me and I lick his ear, saying huskily "don't be ashamed......it is beautiful and so arousing to see and hear you do that, John......nothing wrong with that".

Grabbing my face, he kisses me back with passion, his tongue plunging into my mouth and we don't pull apart until our lungs scream for air and he is panting "I...the bible says it is sinful and the only place to spill my seed is to procreate".

Smiling at him, I kiss him again "well, I think we have established that neither of us believe in all the bible says, right?".

He chases my tongue until they wrap around each other, but he pulls back with a growl when I brush my hand over his throbbing flesh, lightly playing with his foreskin, my fingers being coated with his arousal. I bring my hand back up and make sure he is watching as I lick the saltiness off my fingers, his eyes darkening with lust.

Whimpering, he moves to sit down on his rear "ohh god....Lucy.... please".

I shake my head "no...not today.....I want to watch you".

He looks at me, blushing even deeper "I..I...don't know".

Kissing his neck, his beard scratching against my lips, I make it down to his groin, licking the trail and around the base of his cock, inhaling his musky scent. He twitches against my cheek and I kiss the very tip, before pulling away. I crawl over to the opposite wall in the small space, sitting up facing him and hiking my skirt up over my thighs and spreading my legs. 

John stares and I can see his breathing picking up as I slide my undergarments off, giving him a full view of my glistening folds. I'm soaking wet already and I am sure he can see it. I undo my hair wrap and shake my head, my dark locks falling around my face and then I slide my own hands down on my thighs, moving my skirt all the way up and out of the way. I cup one of my breasts through the fabric of my dress and the other presses against my mound, making me moan.

He whimpers and I lock eyes with him "please, John.....show me how you bring yourself pleasure".

I look as he pushes his trousers further down his legs, so he has better access and then hear him take a deep breath as he wrap his fist around himself again, starting to stroke his hard penis again, up and down, changing the speed and grip a little every time, bringing himself more and more pleasure. His head is back against the wall and he moans "ohhhh.....ughhh.... ohhhhh".

"That's it, John......ohhhh yes, does it feel good?".

All he can do it groan with each stroke and his eyes fly open when he hears a wet sound as I plunge two of my own fingers deep inside of myself, feeling my muscles grip around them. He strokes himself faster and I match it with my fingers, sliding them all the way out and up around my pearl. I buck my hips and squeeze my breast tighter, moving my fingers back and forth around the top, feeling myself swell even more and my entire body tightening like a spring.

He growls deeply, experiences sensory overload as he keeps touching himself and watching me pleasuring myself, my wet pussy on full display for him. He grips himself even tighter, going faster, feeling he is approaching the point of no return. He moans when I slide my fingers back inside my vagina, moving my hand faster in rhythm with his "Lucy.....ohhh god.....yeah......ohhhh".

I see his balls tightening and rising up and he reaches down to cup them in his hand, stroking desperately with his other hand, thumbing over his tip, which is almost purple at this point. 

"John....I'm so close.....let me see you...please...ohhh, ohhhh....ohhhhhhhhhhh god" and I unravel, my climax washing over me and I contract around my own fingers as I hear him roar.

"ARGHHHH......ohhhhhhhhh Lucy..........ohhhh" and I watch as his thighs starts to shake and his cock twitches in his hand and he comes hard, his semen spurting from the tip as he throbs over and over, leaving white streaks on his hand and stomach. He keeps stroking himself through orgasm, until he sags boneless against the wall, his hand falling away and he lets out a deep sigh.

I smile and remove my own fingers before crawling over to him and he pulls me in for a deep kiss, growling "ohhh god........that was something........".

"Mmmmmm......it was very arousing, John" and I look down at him "but I think you are a bit of a mess".

His eyes are still glassy and he says lazily "flour sack.....I can wipe me with that".

Getting a naughty glint in my eyes, I lick my lips and scoot back a little "I got a better idea". I lower my head and start to lick him clean.

He groans and tangles his hand in my hair, quickly wiping the other one in the hay "ohhh heavens......ohhhhhhhh" and he watches as I mop every last bit of his release from his skin, feeling him roaring back to life under my tongue. His cock fills rapidly and is soon fully hard again, standing proudly among his coarse hair surrounding his groin. 

I lick him from base to tip, swirling my tongue around the ridge of the head and then flick under the flap of skin on the underside, which makes him twitch and a small amount of fluid appears at the slit. He jerks his hips, moaning "ughhh, Lucy". 

Opening my mouth I swallow him down, relaxing my throat and taking him as deep as I can, then suck harder and bob my head. He is fighting the urge to thrust his hips and I hollow my cheeks, creating a tight fit for him and he withers beneath me, yanking on my hair "ohhh....ohhhh....ohhh god.......I...ohhhhh".

Popping off him for a second, he yanks me back up for a searing kiss and he slides a hand up under my skirt, putting it between my legs and grunting into my mouth when he feels how slick and wet I am. We lock eyes for a minute and I try to communicate what I want "John...please.....I want you".

He is about to protest, but then feels me clench around his finger as he pushes it inside of me and I grind against his hand and his resolves snaps. He captures my lips in another passionate kiss and nods.

I scramble off him and kneel on all fours, moving my skirt up around my waist and exposing my rear and wet sex to him. I turn my head to look at him "please, John..."

He sits stunned for a second and feels himself getting even harder, before his brain connects and he is overcome with such an overwhelming need of lust and passion. He moves up behind me, running he hand over my rounded rear and then lightly trace my wet slit with his index finger "so beautiful, love".

"Yes...John, please........" and I bite my own knuckle when he moves his hand down, tickling my entire sex and wiggles his fingers around my clit "ohhhhh right there......please" and then next thing I feel the wind getting knocked out of me when he lines himself up and penetrates me to the hilt in one fluid motion, spreading my walls.

He wraps his strong arm around me to steady me when he sinks all the way in and he groans when he feels the tight, wet heat surround him and his balls hitting my flesh "ohhh god, Lucy....ughhhhh".

I'm panting beneath him "ohh yeah, John....just like that....you feel so good.....I love the way you fill me up".

Gritting his teeth, he lets out a groan when I squeeze my internal muscles around him and then he holds my hips, watching himself pull almost all the way out, his cock glistening from my juices and then he pushes back in and he sets a fast pace, going as deep as he can with every thrust.

It's primal and needy and he hits something deep inside of me every time, sending jolts of pleasure through my entire body "John......ohhh god....keep going........ohhhhh it's good".

"Ohhh, ohhhh........Lucy....ohhh.....". He leans forward to kiss my exposed neck and then moves a hand up to cup my breast, squeezing it hard through the fabric of my dress and he goes faster, his entire body curling up in tension. He is determined to bring me with him and moves his hand down between my legs, feeling himself slide in and out of me. He ever so lightly rubs my clit in circles while growling in my ear "ohhhh, ohhhh......please.....let me feel you come undone....".

All I can do is nod while he pumps in and out of me, his testicles slapping against my rear and a few more strokes with his fingers and I am send over the edge. I let out a scream when I tumble over the edge "JOHN!" and contract violently around him.

He feels my orgasm beginning and pounds into me as hard as he can, shooting his hot seed deep inside of me, biting my shoulder to muffle his moans of sheer pleasure. He pulses over and over, completely out of breath and collapses against my back. 

I'm totally spend and he very carefully holds me close as he lays us down on the side, still buried deep inside of me and he just softly strokes my hair and kisses my neck.

The only sounds for a few minutes are our labored breathing.

John finally croaks, sounding concerned while he kisses my cheek "did I hurt you, love?".

I wiggle away from him, turning around and ignoring the mess between my legs. Our eyes meet and his look hurt and fearful. I stroke his bearded chin and kiss his nose, shaking my head "no, it was amazing, John......it's one of my favorite ways to have intercourse, because you can go so deep, it makes it so pleasurable".

He looks at me in awe and then tenderly caresses my cheek "I'd never experience anything like it........it was wonderful".

We just lay there in silence, touching and kissing each other, until he finally reluctantly gets up, giving me a hand. His trousers are still around his ankles and he pulls them up and fastens the binding again. I reach for my undergarments, putting them back on and straighten my skirt. I wrap my hair back up.

John walks over to envelope me in his arms and just holds me, saying softly "I'm sorry I left such a mess".

"It's ok.....I'm headed home and will wash when I get there".

He sighs "I wish I could wash you and then wrap you in my arms in bed".

"I know" and we look at each other, knowing we both wish our circumstances were different. He holds me a few minutes longer, before we part with one final kiss. Him walking back to his cold house and me to an empty bed.


	4. Chapter 4

A week later:

I look up as Mr. Proctor shows the doctor from town to the door, nodding briefly, before I continue to knead the bread, forming two loaves and setting them to rise. I stir the pot on the stove, bringing the ladle to my mouth, blowing and then tasting. I think for a minute and then add a bit more salt.

The house is quiet, my sister is tending the children today. We have started to switch off and it seems to work well. The Proctor boys love to play with my nieces and nephews and it gets them out of my hair, since Mrs. Proctor has not been doing well at all. She had a few good days and then it got bad again, her pain worsened and she has been more or less bedridden the last couple of days.

John comes back in, looking gloomy and takes a seat at the table. I hand him a mug with water and am about to turn, when he grasps my hand and our eyes meet. My heart breaks, he looks so sad and he pulls me down into his lap and I wrap my arms around him, just holding him. He clings to me like he is drowning and all sorts of feelings wash over me, this is the closest we have been since a week ago in the barn.

I shiver from the heat of him and inhale his manly scent. His strong hand roam up my back and I bring my hand to the nape of his neck, touching his skin and he finally lifts his head, looking at me. We communicate without words and his lips part slightly, before I press a kiss to his bearded chin. 

He caresses my cheek with his calloused hand and then ever so softly kisses me, his lips just barely brushing over mine. We both know we have to thread carefully, if we make any more physical contact it will explode yet again between us.

Giving him a faint smile, I say softly "you alright?".

Shaking his head, he looks upset, treading his fingers with mine, bringing them up to his mouth to kiss my knuckles "no....the doctor doesn't seem to know what is wrong with her, Lucy..." and sighs deeply as he rubs his hand over his face "he just keep telling me she is exhausted and needs rest, but there is something that is the matter with her....I just know it......and she looks frail and has lost weight".

"I know, John", I pause for a moment and then look at him "you know my father is a doctor too, right? He is visiting us this weekend, I can ask him to come have a look at Mrs. Proctor while he is here with my mother, who is a skilled nurse".

"No, I didn't know that.....we haven't talked much about your family.....we always seem busy with the tasks at hand or.....", his voice trails off, but I know he is thinking that the other times we have spend in passionate pursuit of pleasure. He kisses my hand again "if it is not too much trouble...".

"It isn't, John.....I'll speak to him when they arrive, either tonight or tomorrow" and I reluctantly get up, untangling myself from his "excuse me......the bread needs to go in". I stick it in the over and he gets to his feet.

He steps up behind me, the heat from his body radiating as he puts his arms around me, resting his head on my shoulder. He nuzzles my neck, saying softly "I miss you, Lucy".

Turning my head and reaching up to claps my hands around him, I reply breathlessly "I miss you too, John.......so much.......but it's hard with the kids around and all the work".

He nods "it is, but we will find a way....I can't wait to have you back in my arms". He quickly turns me around, grabbing my face and giving me a deep and hungry kiss. He pulls away panting and then lets me go as children's voices carry through the windows and his boys come swarming in, bringing some fresh vegetables in a basket. 

They run over to their father, who kneels down to hug each one of them, talking to them and I can't help but just watch. I smile, he loves them so much and he is a good father and provider.

Samuel turns to me "Miss Lucy......Mrs. Smith told me to tell you, that your parents have arrived".

"Thank you, my boy".

He beams "you're very welcome".

I give John a look and he nods ever so slightly, while holding Jacob on his lap, listening to the other two talking his ear off and I slip out, walking briskly towards my sister's home.

Returning a short time later, my father in tow, we enter the Proctor household, and I make the introductions. My father shakes John's hand firmly "good to meet you, Mr. Proctor.....my daughter is grateful you have given her work and my other daughter and husband sure are thankful you are their neighbor".

John puts Jacob down "it's my pleasure, Mr. Williams....you've raised some fine daughters, Miss Lucy is a great worker" and he glances at me, his eyes warm as I pick Jacob up, he has become very clingy since Mrs. Proctor has gotten more ill.

My father gives me a fond smile "Lucy is wonderful".

"Yes, she is" and John's eyes meet mine, and I blush slightly, before his eyes dart away and back to my father "I appreciate you coming, Doctor......it's very kind of ye".

"Oh, I always try to help, that is what my profession calls for......it is to serve the people".

John motions "please...." and they walk upstairs. 

I tend to the bread and feed the kids, before we venture outside and I take Jacob over to collect eggs. The other two boys run around playing. 

Walking back in, I see my father and John talk quietly over by the fire place, both looking very serious. My father puts his hand on John's shoulder, patting it and John shakes his hand. My father stops in front of me "I'll send your mother over in a bit, Mrs. Proctor is not well........." and he motions to the two boys outside "let me take them back with me" and he holds out a hand to Jacob, clinging to my skirt "can you come with me, young lad?".

Jacob timidly takes my father's hand and they leave.

The door closes and my head snaps up towards John, who has collapsed on his knees by the fireplace and it loudly sobbing, his head buried in his hands. I rush over there and kneel by his side, putting an arm around his broad shoulder "John?".

He just shakes his head, but I eventually get wedged in with him and he puts his head in the crook of my neck and just cries quietly, his body trembling. I gently stroke his strong back, not saying much but letting out a few soothing sounds. We sit intertwined for a long while, until he finally lifts his head and our eyes meet. His are red and he looks so hurt. He touches my cheek, studying me and then finally croaking "it's bad....".

"I'm so sorry, John....I gathered it wasn't good when I saw you talk to my father like that".

He shakes his head "no it isn't......he actually properly examined Elizabeth......I'll never use the local doctor again......and there is something, inside of her....like a big mass and it's growing".

"Ohhh dear...", my eyes big.

Wiping a hand over his own face, to get rid of the tears, he nods "your father doesn't know what it is, but he said there really is nothing much he can do...." and then he breaks down again, his eyes welling up and he tries not to cry, his lower lip quivering "just try to make her as comfortable as possible", long pause, deep breath "and pray the end will come quickly".

My heart breaks for him and I feel my own tears "ohh John.......I don't know what to say......that's just.." and I throw my arms around him again and we cry together for a while.

I hug him tight again, just holding him. He squeezes me, mumbling into my neck "I don't know what we will do......the children...they will be left motherless" and he starts to cry again.

Pulling back, I grab his face, looking him in the eyes through tears "I have no intentions of going anywhere......I'll be here, John....I'll do what I can to help you....you wont be alone".

His eyes are still wet, but he looks like he believes me and then gently cups my face, bringing his lips to mine in a searing kiss and then pulls back, saying quietly "we are going to need ye....I've no idea how to really care for them.....they have always had their mother".

Moving my hand down over his bare arm, feeling the muscles and the hair on his lower arm, our fingers weave together and I put my other hand on top "we'll figure it out.......together". 

John looks at our hands, then brings them up to kiss my knuckles, whispering "thank you......we don't deserve you".

I snort "I'm nothing special, John...." and then I look down, blushing "but I care about you and the kids.....a lot".

"I care about you too, Lucy.....I hope you know that" and he looks at me in earnest "this is not just about satisfying my natural needs".

We kiss again and I caress his beard "does Mrs. Proctor know the seriousness of her condition?".

He nods "yes.......she insisted your father be honest....and he was", he inhales deeply "she had a long cry and then we talked about things......she asked your father's advice and she wants to tell the children".

My hand fly to my mouth "ohhhh".

"She thinks they need to know" and he shallows hard "sh..she....wants to be able to say goodbye to them".

We look at each other and just embrace, both knowing the seriousness of this, but not quite sure how it will all play out.

John continues "she is in a great deal of pain and just uncomfortable......your father said he would sent your mother to help a little, said she has experience with this sort of thing".

"She is very good at caring for others and hopefully we can all make Mrs. Proctor comfortable".

Sitting in silence, I lean my head on his shoulder and he caresses my cheek, we don't need to speak really, we both understand how the other person feels.

KNOCK         KNOCK

My head fly up and I hurry to my feet, looking down at him "likely my mother".

John gets up too and wipes his face once more, quickly kissing me, whispering "thank you", before he goes over to open the door. 

My sweet mother is outside, a calm demeanor about her and she extends her hand "Mr. Proctor......I'm Mrs. Williams....my husband sent me over".

Taking her hand, John tries to smile, but fails, just saying quietly "yes...pleased to meet you, Mrs. Williams.......come in" and he gestures.

She steps inside and gives me a smile "Lucy".

"Mother" and reach for the basket on the table, time to think about supper.

They walk upstairs and are gone for a long while, before John comes back down and I serve him some ale, bread and salted meat. He sits and eats in silence, watching me cut some vegetables, putting them in the stew. I finish and catches him just looking at me. I blush, but then wipe my hands on my apron, wiping my forehead and then come to sit down next to him. "What, John?".

He reaches for my hand over the table and squeezes it "nothing.....you are just beautiful, that's all".

I snort "don't feel it right now.....but thank you".

"You are, inside and out...." and he takes a deep breath "you've brought so much life and light into my world....I felt hopeless and sad all the time before, but now......", deep breath "even with Elizabeth's illness.....I feel some hope....and your mother is a wonderful woman, she has a good, kind heart like you".

I'm about to answer, but we hear the stairs creek and my mother comes back down. John quickly lets go of my hand and stands up to face her, I busy myself cleaning up after his meal.

She touches his arm "Mrs. Proctor is asleep at the moment.....I hope she can get some rest".

"Me too.......thank you, Mrs. Williams......we sure are indebted to your family".

"It's quite alright......we are happy to help....I'll come back tomorrow with my husband to check on her".

"Thank you!" and John excuses himself to go back to the fields.

I kneading more bread and look up as my mother is watching me. I finish and we both sit down with a mug of water. She looks at me with searching eyes "what's going on, Lucy?".

"What are you talking about, mother?".

She gestures "Mr. Proctor and you? Your sister mentioned you fancied him and I saw him holding your hand just now and the way he looked at you".

I sigh deeply "ohh mother....." and I look down and then at her "I don't know.....not for sure.....I have feelings for him and yes, he returns my affection, but we both know his circumstances and obligations".

"He is a good man, Lucy......he has a good heart and he cares for his family deeply and for his poor wife.........your life is yours, but just please be careful, I don't need to remind you, that this area is a bit different and more religious and judgemental than back home".

"I know, mother.....I know", I pause and then add "I just care for him so much".

She nods, patting my hand "I understand and I think he cares deeply for you too". She gets up "well, I better go back to your sister's and help wrangle all those children over there..... it was a bit hectic when I left".

"Okay........thanks for everything, for helping with Mrs. Proctor".

Looking grim, my mother sits back down, our eyes meeting "she is in bad shape, Lucy.......really bad and in a lot of discomfort, that will just get worse".

I have a hard time forming the words, but finally almost whisper "will it be long?".

"Hard to tell, but likely not......she is so thin and fail......we can just pray it will be quick and without too much suffering".

The tears press on and finally trickle down my face and I look at her "it's so sad".

"It is, darling, but we are not in control of what happens to us.......fate, God, whatever you want to call it".

"Well, I'll do what I can to ease her suffering", but then I feel even more despair "but oh I worry about the children and Jo...Mr. Proctor".

"Assuming you are not leaving them, they should fair ok.....you care about them and can help him settle into a new rhythm and life" and she rolls her eyes "that's a lot more than some families....I mean, it is not unheard of a father actually turning his own children", her voice raises "into the orphanage because he either can't or wont care for them". Then she sounds kinder "Mr. Proctor is blessed to have you here".

Sounding determined, I get up "oh trust me, mother....he would never do that and I have no plans of leaving".

"Good....they will be alright then" and she hugs me before leaving.

 

The house is finally quiet. The kids and John came back in for supper and then he took them upstairs to have a talk with their mother. I had cleaned up the kitchen, put things away and sort of gotten ready for tomorrow. They had come back down, quietly and I had to fight hard not to break down when I saw their faces, streaked with tears. John had taken them outside to wrestle around for a little bit and then I helped getting them clean, dumping hot water into the big, wooden troth in the washroom

John ushered them off to bed, after I hugged each of them goodnight, assuring them it would be ok. I give him a small nod as our eyes meet and his hand brushes over mine as he scoops Jacob up and they all walk up the stairs. 

I'm sweeping the floor, amazed at how much dirt and dust those boys can manage to drag in the house in one day. I poke the wood under the stove, spreading out the embers, so it will be ready for fire up in the morning. It's still a bit warm, so it is not needed for heat, but those days are coming, fall is around the corner.

Turning my head as I hear footsteps down the stairs, I see him, the lanterns casting a warm glow in the kitchen area. He walks over and I feel his body behind me and soon his strong arms wrap around me from behind and he nuzzles my neck, mumbling "thank you".

I let the broom go, putting it to rest against the counter. I find his hands with mine, our fingers weaving together and I relish in his warmth "for what, John?".

He kisses my neck "for everything......for helping with the children, summoning your parents, taking care of us", there is a slight pause, before he kisses me again, pressing closer "for loving me.....showing me how it really could be". I feel hims grow hard against my back and he licks my ear, ever so slightly moving his hips.

A moan escapes me, but I try to wiggle away from him "John....ohhh...we can't....we shouldn't.....Mrs. Proctor....the kids.......we are in the house".

His breath in against my ear "everyone is asleep" and he guides me, still holding me close, over to the sitting area, which is sort of under the stairs. He gently turns me around, our eyes meeting, his are filled with pain and his voice is a hoarse whisper "please....Lucy...I need you".

I give him a slight nod and that is all the permission he needs, our lips crash together in a fiery kiss and we are soon grabbing at each other. He manages to get my hair wrap undone and I pull on his shirt, getting it over his head, exposing his muscular chest. I run my hands up the planes of his stomach and my fingers touch the coarse hair covering his chest. I kiss each nipple, making him groan quietly against my throat.

His hands are all over, grabbing my face, kissing me hard, his tongue in my mouth, devouring me and then a hand on my breast as he does his best to rut against me. I run my hands over his chest again and then down to his trousers, fiddling with the binding, touching him through the fabric. I can feel how hard he is and a groan escapes his mouth when I press my fingers against his shaft, feeling him throb.

"Ohhh, please.....".

"Shhhh.....I don't want them to hear" and we kiss again as he drags me down on the skin on the floor by the fireplace. 

We embrace again and he gently pushes me down, leaning over me for another deep kiss, his tongue wrapping around mine as we continue to fondle and touch each other. We have to break for air and our eyes meet, his are burning with need, lust and desire. He sees the same reflected back at him and all his resolves snap along with mine. We separate and rid ourselves of all our clothing in a hurry.

He is over me like a predator and I pull him down, kissing him deeply and opening my legs to him. He is quick, guiding himself to my entrance and enters me in one fluid motion. I gasp against his shoulder, gripping his back at the sudden intrusion as he stretches me. It doesn't hurt, but just feels so good as he sinks all the way in. He holds still for a moment, trying to catch his own breath and then kisses me again.

I caress his muscular back and then about get the wind knocked out of me as he starts to thrust, deep and hard, gritting his teeth, trying not to make too many noises. I feel his desperation, need and lust with every snap of his hips as he chases his release, pouring all his emotions into every movement. I arch my back, suppressing my own need to moan loudly from the pure pleasure of having him claim me like this.

His kisses are hungry, his breath comes in huff, sweat pouring down his face and I force myself to look at him and then reach up to grab his face between my hands. Our eyes meet and I try to convey all my love for him. I kiss him softly, coos "John.....shhhh......slow down, love......it feels so good, but I want it to last a bit longer......move slower, let me feel every hard inch of you slide in and out of me".

Straining a bit, his nods, kisses me again, this time agonizingly slow, letting his tongue explore my mouth, tasting me and he stills his hips for a moment. He throbs against my sensitive walls and it feels so deep. I squeeze my internal muscles around him a couple of time, arching up and rubbing myself against his public bone. He watches me in silence, closing his eyes in bliss as he feels my walls clamping down around him tighter, a hiss finally escaping against my ear "ohhh god.....ohhhh Lucy".

I run my hands slowly down his back, feeling every hard muscles, down over his strong rear end and squeeze each cheek, which makes him twitch inside of me. I open my mouth in a silent moan and feel his rough, calloused hand closing over my one breast, kneading it and then rolling my nipple between his fingers as he watches me. He covers my mouth with his to silence my cry of pleasure as he does this and I look at him, the light of the lanterns casting a soft glow over his skin.

His eyes are even darker with lust and he keeps moving, slowly thrusting, but I can tell it is harder and hard for him to hold back. I bow my back, locking my legs around him and concentrate hard on where we are joined, feeling his hardness and trying to rub my pubic bone against him, getting the right stimulation. He quickly becomes aware of what I am trying to do and he kisses me again, whispering in my ear "that's it, love....let me feel you come undone.....feel you loose control.......ohhhhh god.....yeah....Lucy.....ughhhhh".

My entire body curls and he senses it, running a hand down my leg and back up, putting his palm under my rear end, lifting me up a bit, hard against him and he picks up speed, pounding into me with vigor. I arch and when he manages to grasp a nipple between his teeth, running his wet, velvety tongue over the sensitive bud, I come undone. I grab his upper arms and let out a low, long moan as I climax, convulsion and contraction around him.

He thrusts as hard as he can, one, two, three times and then holds himself close to me as he follows me over the edge, coming hard, his warm seed pulsing into me in long, satisfying spurts. He buries his head in my neck, groaning deeply as he empties everything he has and collapses against me.

We cling to each other like we are drowning, for a long time, the only noise that can be heard is our labored breathing that slowly returns to normal. He finally lifts his head, looking at me in awe and I notice his eyes are glassy and a tear spills down his cheek, hitting my chest. He caresses my face and I cup his bearded chin, saying softly "you ok?".

His voice is hoarse, croaking, he speaks quietly as he places the softest kiss on my lips "yeah.....I'm fine.....it was just.." and he pauses to think before continuing "it was very moving....I've never felt this connection to another person".

We kiss again, deeply, softly, conveying all our feelings to each other without more words. I move my hands up his sweaty back, touching the base of his skull, running my fingers through his hair. We just feel for a while and he slowly softens inside of me and then finally slips from me, laying down next to me and tucking me close.

John plays with my long hair and kisses my shoulder. I roll over, resting my head on his shoulder and he finds my hand, lacing it with his and brings it up to kiss my knuckles "I wish we could stay here, Lucy". I sigh, nod and then turn towards him, freeing my hand to run it over his broad chest. He closes his eyes for a moment "I never knew it could be like this....with someone....".

I don't say anything, just kiss him again and we relish in this intimacy a while longer before I shiver a little. He wraps me in his arms and seeks out my mouth again, kissing me with vigor, mumbling "ohhh, better get you dressed....don't want you to catch an illness....the children needs you......I need you.

We help each other up and I hurry and dress. I wrap my hair as he finishes his trousers. I walk into his arms again and he holds me for a few more long moments, before I take his hand and we walk to the door. 

Our eyes meet and he gives me a small smile, saying quietly "thank you....you are such a light in my life, Lucy...I".

I place a finger over his lips, nodding, my voice tender and soft "I know John, I love you too" and I slip out the door, looking at him once more before I walk briskly towards the other farm.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Kudos and comments are always welcome!


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